So its January 20, 2017….
Thanks to a 2 day bender, and an orange man who likes to grab pussy… Things are looking kinda bleak.
When I say 2 day bender, don’t mean drugs, I am talking about my vice… yep: tall, chocolate, and handsome. And this last one was particularly skilled… sorry family! TMI… I know!
And just like any addict, I woke up this morning feeling really shitty, and ashamed of myself. Not because a young woman, such as myself, should feel ashamed of her sexuality; I felt ashamed because I gave hope where there shouldn’t have been. I got too caught up in the moment that I promised to care for another’s heart when my own is still ripped open and bleeding.
Now ain’t that ’bout a bitch! In two days, I have experienced so much pleasure, and then so much pain. I feel like a terrible, selfish person. And on top of that, I looked a fool in front of the one man in my life who goes out of his way to treat me well… Tony.
Tony is quickly growing to be one of my favorite people; the Jiminy the Cricket to my silly and foolish Pinocchio. When he lectured me, like a good friend should, about my behaviors over the past 48 hours, I felt so ashamed that I have vowed to never have him look at me like that again. Its the worst feeling to have someone put you on a high pedestal, and you prove to them that you are not worthy to be there. My trophy is now a little less shiny.
So why am I telling you this? Well… hell A. You are a loyal reader…. aka, a super awesome fantastic person… and 2. I am announcing to the world my 90 day fast… yep 90 day fast from all dating, and men. I will not get on any dating sites, or flirt with cute guys at my jobs, or chat it up with the hotties at the grocery store.
I am so over and tired of feeling broken. My ex really did a number on my heart, and I find myself incapable of shaking this Shitty Guy thing that I seem to keep falling for. Its time to cleanse my life and soul, it’s time to stop trying to run or sex my way out of my feelings. I have to actually learn to love and forgive myself. I have things I need to let go of, and there is no way that I can do that by messing around. So wish me luck!
Oh don’t worry! I’ll keep you guys updated, I am sure there will be stories to share!
Wish me luck!💋