So as many of my loyal reader know, I am on a 90 day cleanse of all things male. You guys know my story, and for those who don’t… After the end of my almost 2 year relationship with my ex, I felt: hurt, drained, unloved, betrayed, stupid, just dull and lifeless. I acted out like a self-destructive toddler, completely consumed by my Id. Not very lady like, in other words. Well I decided to stop and make a change, hopefully for the better. So here we are 30+ days later.
It’s been helpful. I feel free, clear and level-headed, and most importantly at peace… for the most part.
But here’s the kicker, my ex! Y’all when I tell you… hontey, I LOVED this man… well boy, he hasn’t found his manhood yet because he is busy doing fuckboi things. But I loved him, with every once of my being. Honestly, only reason I did not take him back after all his tomfoolery came to light, is the fact that I love ME more than I loved him. But when I tell you, I would have gone to the moon and back this guy.
During this 90 day journey, I find myself fighting with myself about him. I KNOW I can never be with him again. Like for a fact, nope, no way, no how. He is way too damaged for me! He came with not only baggage, but suitcases, duffel bags, a trolley to carry them, and a SUV to haul the trailer full of his shit! When I say too much, I mean too much! But in all of that, a piece of my still loves him, just a tiny bit.
He reminds me of a Trey Songz song… Love Lost… Look it up… I promise you won’t be disappointed!
LOL… BTW… Don’t act like we all don’t have songs that remind us of our ex!
I am sure we all have had that one bad boy that we loved and have the hardest time forgetting. Well he is mine. As much I hate it, he is mine!
It really sucks to be attached to someone like this. All I want to do it to forget him. Pretend that this has never happen, that we never happened, and just move on… but I can’t. He’s apart of who I am now. I second guess myself and any new guy I meet. I wonder if I can ever really trust again. It has done so much damage, that it is like a scare that there, and all I want is for him to make it better… but he can’t. That time has come and gone, and I will forever have this reminder of the lost of my love.
Soooo… moral of the story…. take a really good look at the person you give your heart to… because much like your favorite CD, they might give it back to you all scratched up!