I have them, I’m sure you have them… and they kinda suck.
This seems to be the theme of this week in Finess’ world. From conversations with the besties, to made-up drama over nonexistent treats, it seems to be popping up everywhere. So let’s talk about it.
For the first time in my life, I have second thoughts about dating. Not about dating in general, but the motives and honesty of men. With the end of my 90 days quickly approaching, I will be “free” to jump back in the pool again, but this time things are different. I feel a little heavier. I feel less bold, and more alert.
Have you ever paid attention to the unspoken seating order that you and your friends have? There’s always that one friend who never has their back to the door, who constantly scans the room? Yep that’s me. I have the subconscious need to be aware of my surroundings and prepared to whatever is happening, because I have a fear of being caught off guard.
This is now how I see dating, especially since I have been betrayed. I know not every man is the same, I promise I do! Rationally I’m there, but emotionally and subconsciously I still need to scan the room, I need to feel safe. I hate this new found wall guarding my heart, because I know it makes me harder to love, but to completely honest, I have no earthly idea how to fix it now.
I hear time heals all wounds… I guess not enough time has passed for me yet. It’s ok. I don’t know when I will be whole again, but I am taking steps to feel like me once more. I am slowing down, thinking, praying, meditating, focusing of being the me I envision, working out, just taking care of myself. I figure if I take care of myself, in time, this will be a distant memory, not my reality.
If you are struggling with some form of insecurities, whether it’s: trusting in a relationship, the way you look, to way you see yourself, whatever it is; it’s going to be ok! We all have them, and we all have the power to overcome them! Don’t be a victim, fight for yourself! Love yourself, the good and the bad. Work on the things that you can change, and pray for strength for the things you can’t!
I don’t know when, but I KNOW my time is coming! I know I will have everything I desire. I will love full heartedly again. I will get past this need to be so guarded. For the right man, I will trust him to protect my heart!