With the end of my 29th birthday celebrations, it’s time to Recap my 90 Day Men Cleanse.
First I want to just say thank you for the many conversations I have had with everyone about the struggles and strategies of how to get over a break up. It all has been very helpful.
For starters… Cry sweetie! The first thing I tried to do after my final breakup, was to pretend like I was fine. I didn’t want to let him have the satisfaction of knowing that he hurt me. I wanted to be big and bad, but I wasn’t! I was hurting! After a few days of the pretending, I broke down. I mean… seriously ugly crying!
I was talking to the bestie, and turned on an animated cat movie… I figured it would cheer me up… and in the opening you see a cute little kitty in a moving truck. The truck pulls overs and someone throws out a ball out of the open door. The cute kitten jumps out to chase the ball, the car door closes, and the truck speeds off! The poor kitty runs after truck but doesn’t catch it! So much for a happy cute movie! I cried! I felt like that kitten just wanted to be loved, and being left out in the cold!
That cry was so great! It felt good to get all those feelings out! All the pent-up anger and pain just washes right out of me! This is the best way to start the healing process.
OK next, I took the time to analyze my relationship. The key is to growth is to see the problem, think of ways to change the outcome and then put into practice the new strategy. To do this, you have to take responsibility for your actions. We can’t spend too much time playing the victim role, because in matters of the heart, it really takes two to tango. They might have done some horrible things to you, but you allowed them to, you still stayed, you ignored all the warning signs. We all have been here. It’s really easy to point out others faults and ignore your own, but this is where you will stunt your growth as a person if you don’t recognize your faults in the situation.
Most of past relationship failure way about 75% him and 25% me. I ignored all the red flags. I chose to believe him when he showed me inconsistency. I decided to pray that things would get better instead of facing the reality that I was in love with the man I hoped he would grow into, not the man he was showing me he was. All of that was on me. Now I know better. I know not to ignore the signs. Reality is harsh, but I need to face the fact. I know what to look for, and more importantly I know what I deserve. I lowered my value to be with him. I allowed myself to get caught up in his word of lies and chaos. Never again. The price for my love has gone up, and the next man will have to pay what it’s worth… No More Discounts.
For your complete sanity, I do suggest that you cut off all contact! It is way to easy to back slide into their arms if you are still talking to them. I can not stress this enough! We all know that couple to is totally wrong for each other and they break up and then get back together, only to break up again. Well this is why. They haven’t stopped communicating with each other, haven’t started healing or learning, on boom they are back at it, repeating the cycle over and over again. Don’t be like them, save yourself the headache, delete their number, unfriend them on everything, and delete all those text messages.
Lastly, get back to you! Remember how you were happy before you met them? You know, strong and independent. Well make changes in your life to get back to that place. Start working out again, eating healthy, praying and meditating, try a new sport or hobby, reconnect with old friends or make new ones. Fill up your time with things that make you happy. When your busy, you wont have the time to mope around thinking about them. You’ll start to feel better and it makes it so much easier to move on. Focus on you and your dreams, that’s when things will start to fall into place.
True me break ups aren’t easy, but coming out on top is very doable! I encourage anyone who is feeling lost to try these steps. You don’t have to do a hardcore cleanse like I did, but give yourself time and grace to mentally get things together. It take time to heal your heart, but it’s worth it!